Still waiting for adoption to happen, so the series continues...
Let's talk about waiting, 'cause...
I'm starting to see a pattern here.
When you start working with a NaPro doctor, things are a little crazy for a while. Do this test, now this one, ultrasounds, blood draws, try new meds, more blood draws, how about surgery?!
It's a lot to do and take in all at once, or even over the course of a few cycles. But after you've gone through that initial work-up, things settle down for a bit. You're still working with your doctor, still actively "trying," but as the unsuccessful cycles pass you by, follow-ups with your doctor and tweaks to your treatment happen less and less.
At this point, we're only meeting with our NaPro doc once every three cycles. And I'll tell you what that feels like. Lame. Definitely lame. It's no fault of anyone's, except my stupid uterus. But to be given a little tweak to your treatment and then given the instructions to "try it out" for three months before you come back, it's a bit of a bummer. It makes things feel like they're moving slowwwww as molasses. But I get it. That's just the nature of the beast. Getting pregnant doesn't happen overnight, at least from our perspective, so it's really just one big waiting game. And if that treatment didn't work, well, then it's on to the next one for three more cycles. Waiting, waiting waiting.
So, when our adoption adventure really took off, I thought, "Thank goodness, the waiting is finally over! We'll be matched in no time!"
Yep. I really thought that.
Go ahead. You're allowed to call me crazy on this one. I just really thought I'd have more control.
Just like NaPro, when you first pursue adoption, it's busy busy busy. Fill out this form, now fill out a hundred more, get some background checks, find some references, let us inspect your home, now how about you make a profile that details exactly who you and your spouse are in 10 pages or less?
Another case of a lot to take in at once! I can remember looking at the checklist of what we had to do to be approved to adopt and just feeling way overwhelmed. But over time, piece by piece, of course you get through it. And then, just like the NaPro treatments, things suddenly really slowwww dowwwwn. You go from barely having time to breath between all the checks on the checklist to, "Wait, where did everyone go?"
After you hand in that big stack and you social worker says APPROVED, that's it. The lonnnnng silence, as I like to call it, begins. Days feel like weeks, weeks like YEARS. I'm serious. We'll go two weeks without hearing from the agency and it'll feel like an eeeeeternity!
Are catching the similarities here?
I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but it's worth repeating. In my opinion, the motto for adoption and, now that I think of it, NaPro treatments too, should be "Hurry Up and Wait!"
Sure, not everyone has had the same NaPro or adoption experience as us. Some folks get pregnant or adopt like that. But definitely in our case, it's all a big waiting game right now.
Or I suppose, if we want to call it what it really is... it's all about learning patience right now.
A friend of mine recently opened up to me about her struggles with infertility. She told me she just prayed and prayed and prayed for patience. And then, after quite some time of trying, she finally found herself pregnant. Though, as her little ones came along, she found that her prayers didn't change at all. Patience, patience, patience is still her number one petition to this day.
So, I suppose all this NaPro and adoption waiting has something to do with that. The "p" word. 'Cause God sure knows the need for patience won't go away once cute kiddos come along.
But still. First with NaPro, now with adoption... can't there be something happening in my life that doesn't also have to teach me a lesson in patience?
And now, let's wrap up with a "While We Waited" tradition. At the end of each of her pregnancy update posts, blogger Mama Holi answers the same 17 pregnancy-related questions to log all the changes and ups and downs of her pregnancy. Well, that inspired me to do the same, but obviously not about pregnancy. So, I tweaked the questions quite a bit (for example, adoption doesn't change the innie- or outtie-ness of a belly button, so I probably don't need to answer a question about my bellybutton every time) and made myself a cute little way to keep track of the changes and ups and downs of our adoption journey! Let's give it a whirl...
How far along? 1 month of waiting so far.
Best moment of this week? Connecting with a bunch of really great future-adoptive mamas online through a google hangout chat! It's so lovely to talk to ladies who really get what I'm going through.
Worst moment of this week? Sorry to be vague, I may post more about it later this week, but having to make a really tough decision regarding a potential adoption.
Mood? Pretty at peace right now. Trying to embrace the one-on-one time with John while it still lasts. But I also still have a little case of "hurry up already!" Normal.
Any word from the agency? Yes! The special ringtone on my phone went off and my heart JUMPED out of my chest!! We were presented with a birthmom and baby situation, but ultimately nothing panned out.
Boy or girl? We're open to either! But husband not-so-secretly hopes it's a boy.
Most excited about? Meeting our forever baby, duh!
Biggest fear? Not bonding like we're supposed to with our little kiddo. I'm reading up on it now! For sure, I want to do this right! I talked to John about it earlier this week and he said he's super excited to wear our baby around in one of those "masculine baby carriers." That made me smile lots! And made me a little less worried about bonding. Skin-to-skin contact with the baby is huge! We'll be pros, right? (Anyone have attachment advice for us?)
Distractions? Lots of good ones coming up! A hands-on Moroccan cooking class with John at Whole Foods and his 31st birthday party in the works. Distraction is my middle name right now. Let's keep piling the fun stuff on while we wait! And also, that way we'll get it out of our systems before baby arrives.
Looking forward to? Hearing from the agency again! I pray it happens soon!
(PS - All "waiting" future adoptive moms or dads have my complete permission (and encouragement!) to use this on their blog or facebook or whatevs. :) Steal away!)