In which I feature pictures of us actually being crazy.
I imagine that's what folks are thinking when they find out we're open to adoption and still trying to conceive at the same time.
"Are you guys CRAZY?!?!"
No one's actually made a comment like that to me outloud, thank goodness, but John has heard a few recently. For example...
"Aren't you a little young to be adopting?"
Ha! A little young? Sure, he might be 30 and I might be 27, but I think where biology is concerned, that's not exactly young. It's more like average. Sure, we're probably a bit younger than the average age of adoptive couples, but that doesn't make us crazy for considering it now. I'd like to think it makes us mature. :) So thank you for your concern, but just no.
Then there are the worry warts.
"Well, what if you get pregnant right after you adopt? You'll go CRAZY if you have two babies that close in age!"
Really? You think that will make us crazy? How about CRAZY happy! Because that sounds really freaking amazing right about now. Though that's certainly not a guarantee. We'll just take what the Lord gives us when He gives it to us and be happy with that.
And then there are those pesky websites/blogposts/articles that I found one day when googling "Is it OK to adopt while you're still TTC?" that tell me it's unfair of us to be in the adoption waiting pool while still trying to get pregnant.
"The adoption waiting pool should only be for couples who can't have a family otherwise. You're selfishly taking away a baby from a childless family. And what's your adopted child going to think when you like your biological child better?"
Ok, so maybe I've never read anything that extreme, but I have read similar things. Though I can't seem to find those articles online anymore (probably for the better), otherwise I'd show ya and provide a real quote. Oh well. The point is, some people think you really have to completely stop infertility treatments in order to be ready for adoption. Some adoption agencies even make it a requirement.
And I assume all this fuss is over us being just plain CRAZY again!!! Right?!?!
But then there are folks who encourage us, and they're awesome.
For example, my NaPro doctor, Dr. G.
"I think it's becoming even more normal now for couples to adopt while still TTC. You'd just have to be alright with the possibility of having two babies close in age."
Thanks, Dr. G. We appreciate the positive support!
Or the director of our adoption agency, who met with us for coffee and chats a few weeks ago. When I mentioned that we were still trying to conceive and that we weren't sure if that was alright with the agency, her response was nothing but positive.
"I think that's completely fine! I think you've got to do what's best for the two of you. So long as you've really given yourself time to process your infertility, you really can still do both."
Ahhh, a breath of fresh air!
The truth is, folks, we're not crazy. Not even close.
The truth is, we're called to both -- both biological parenthood AND adoptive parenthood. Both are different callings and I feel blessed to have been called to parenthood in two different ways. Especially knowing that this is not the case for everyone.
How do I know we're called to both?
When I think about how wonderful it would be to carry a child for nine months, deliver that precious baby, and raise a cute kiddo with the perfect 50-50 mix of John and Stephanie genes, I am filled with joy. And when I think of not being able to experience that, sadness.
When I think about how wonderful it would be to get that special call from our agency, connect with a birth family, meet our little one for the first time, and raise a kiddo who won't look like us, but will still be 100% part of our family, I'm again filled with great joy. And when I think of not being able to experience that, again, sadness.
I knew something had really changed when my nightly prayers changed from "Please, Lord, help me get pregnant," to "Please, Lord, help us grow our family." When my desire to be a parent surpassed my desire to be pregnant.
So I really hope both adoption and pregnancy are part of our story. And therefore, I really think it's not crazy at all for us to keep trying to conceive while also pursuing an adoption. It's just right. Right for us, anyway.
And that's really the point I'm really trying to make here. What's right for us probably isn't right for everyone. You may feel like you would need to wait until you're absolutely sure you can't get pregnant to be ready to move on to adoption. Or maybe you feel like once you've exhausted all of your infertility treatments, if you're still not pregnant, a childless life is best for you and your spouse. Or you may feel exactly like us. No matter the situation, don't let anyone tell you you're CRAZY, because it's just not true. If you've discerned and calculated and brought it to prayer, you're probably in the right place. And that's all that matters.
For us, that means we're going to keep going down both paths. On one, we have the miracle of adoption, and on the other, the miracle of pregnancy. And we're not crazy for walking both. We're just being us. And we're just pretty stinkin' excited!
|"How excited," you ask? Snow cone level excited.|