In which I feature pictures of us actually being crazy.
I imagine that's what folks are thinking when they find out we're open to adoption and still trying to conceive at the same time.
"Are you guys CRAZY?!?!"
No one's actually made a comment like that to me outloud, thank goodness, but John has heard a few recently. For example...
"Aren't you a little young to be adopting?"
Ha! A little young? Sure, he might be 30 and I might be 27, but I think where biology is concerned, that's not exactly young. It's more like average. Sure, we're probably a bit younger than the average age of adoptive couples, but that doesn't make us crazy for considering it now. I'd like to think it makes us mature. :) So thank you for your concern, but just no.
Then there are the worry warts.
"Well, what if you get pregnant right after you adopt? You'll go CRAZY if you have two babies that close in age!"
Really? You think that will make us crazy? How about CRAZY happy! Because that sounds really freaking amazing right about now. Though that's certainly not a guarantee. We'll just take what the Lord gives us when He gives it to us and be happy with that.
And then there are those pesky websites/blogposts/articles that I found one day when googling "Is it OK to adopt while you're still TTC?" that tell me it's unfair of us to be in the adoption waiting pool while still trying to get pregnant.
"The adoption waiting pool should only be for couples who can't have a family otherwise. You're selfishly taking away a baby from a childless family. And what's your adopted child going to think when you like your biological child better?"
Ok, so maybe I've never read anything that extreme, but I have read similar things. Though I can't seem to find those articles online anymore (probably for the better), otherwise I'd show ya and provide a real quote. Oh well. The point is, some people think you really have to completely stop infertility treatments in order to be ready for adoption. Some adoption agencies even make it a requirement.
And I assume all this fuss is over us being just plain CRAZY again!!! Right?!?!
But then there are folks who encourage us, and they're awesome.
For example, my NaPro doctor, Dr. G.
"I think it's becoming even more normal now for couples to adopt while still TTC. You'd just have to be alright with the possibility of having two babies close in age."
Thanks, Dr. G. We appreciate the positive support!
Or the director of our adoption agency, who met with us for coffee and chats a few weeks ago. When I mentioned that we were still trying to conceive and that we weren't sure if that was alright with the agency, her response was nothing but positive.
"I think that's completely fine! I think you've got to do what's best for the two of you. So long as you've really given yourself time to process your infertility, you really can still do both."
Ahhh, a breath of fresh air!
The truth is, folks, we're not crazy. Not even close.
The truth is, we're called to both -- both biological parenthood AND adoptive parenthood. Both are different callings and I feel blessed to have been called to parenthood in two different ways. Especially knowing that this is not the case for everyone.
How do I know we're called to both?
When I think about how wonderful it would be to carry a child for nine months, deliver that precious baby, and raise a cute kiddo with the perfect 50-50 mix of John and Stephanie genes, I am filled with joy. And when I think of not being able to experience that, sadness.
When I think about how wonderful it would be to get that special call from our agency, connect with a birth family, meet our little one for the first time, and raise a kiddo who won't look like us, but will still be 100% part of our family, I'm again filled with great joy. And when I think of not being able to experience that, again, sadness.
I knew something had really changed when my nightly prayers changed from "Please, Lord, help me get pregnant," to "Please, Lord, help us grow our family." When my desire to be a parent surpassed my desire to be pregnant.
So I really hope both adoption and pregnancy are part of our story. And therefore, I really think it's not crazy at all for us to keep trying to conceive while also pursuing an adoption. It's just right. Right for us, anyway.
And that's really the point I'm really trying to make here. What's right for us probably isn't right for everyone. You may feel like you would need to wait until you're absolutely sure you can't get pregnant to be ready to move on to adoption. Or maybe you feel like once you've exhausted all of your infertility treatments, if you're still not pregnant, a childless life is best for you and your spouse. Or you may feel exactly like us. No matter the situation, don't let anyone tell you you're CRAZY, because it's just not true. If you've discerned and calculated and brought it to prayer, you're probably in the right place. And that's all that matters.
For us, that means we're going to keep going down both paths. On one, we have the miracle of adoption, and on the other, the miracle of pregnancy. And we're not crazy for walking both. We're just being us. And we're just pretty stinkin' excited!
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| "How excited," you ask? Snow cone level excited. |
Great post! You guys don't seem crazy to me for wanting to do both. The pictures, well, those are a bit zany...AND awesome! (And your husband's many hair dos is impressive, I have to say that. Coming from a woman whose husband has shaved his head every 6-8 weeks since we started dating. And he has curly hair, he just hates it and doesn't let it grow.) :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! I showed him what you wrote and he got a really good chuckle out of it. When it comes to his hair, he's been all over the place. Buzzed super short to (now) shoulder length. He's actually trying to grow it out to a pony tail! Crazy. Crazy awesome. :) Maybe you could show your husband pics my husband's long, luscious hair to inspire him to grow those curls out! Wishful thinking?
DeleteI agree, great post. Plus I think you would be great parents!
ReplyDeleteAM, you are so sweet! Thank you! Absolutely the same to you!!
DeleteI admire your ability to pursue both at once. The medical side of things is so emotionally overwhelming to me that I know I cannot handle both at once. Back in December I really thought that we were going to hit the end of the medical treatments and wondered where that would lead us - to adoption or to life as two? it obviously didn't lead to the "end" and so we push forward.
ReplyDeleteI love this post and your excitement - and your description of dreaming of pregnancy and adoption was beautiful.
Many prayers continue for you!
Just a few days ago, I was telling Dr. G that I felt like I have three full time jobs -- my actual job, all the medical stuff, and all the adoption stuff. But for me, I find it (mostly) exhilarating to have all three going on at the same time. I can totally understand wanting to only pursue either IF treatments OR adoption though. They really are both so emotional, for very different reasons. I admire your ability to keep pushing forward with the medical treatments!! That's certainly not a minor thing.
DeleteMany prayers continue for you too, friend! Thank you!
I seriously love reading your blog. We seem to have so much in common in our journeys. We have also continued to try to conceive while pursuing adoption. In fact we didn't seek out help through NaPro until we were already knee deep in adoption waiting. It can definitely be a crazy journey but so awesome and full of hope. You have such a great attitude.
ReplyDeleteThank you, LM!! You are so sweet. I love reading your blog too! It's so nice to have someone on a similar journey with you. I just love the support. And if our journey is anything like yours, we'll be VERY happy. Your son is so precious. :)
DeleteI think y'all are crazy, crazy awesome that is! I think it's great that y'all know yourselves so well and know when it's too much. When we talk to people about the possibility of adoption and they say "well what if you get pregnant?" I say "umm we'll take both." Though we are not TTC anymore if it happened while we are adopting that would be such a huge blessing to us and what God is calling us to at the time.
ReplyDeleteHaha, Kat! YOU are crazy awesome too!! I think it's great that you guys knew when it was time to stop TTC. It can be so hard to let go. I think about that for us... when would we finally say we were done? I have no idea. Right now it just feels right. And I'm guessing one day we'll just know when it's not right anymore. I really hope and pray that you guys will be blessed with children someday!
DeleteGreat post! As you know, this is where we are too, although much less steeped in adoption at this point. Application is 90% filled out!!! The way I've looked at it is that we will simply be open to whichever door the Lord chooses to open to grow our family. I hope he opens both doors in our lifetime. Maybe it will only be one. But we are open and I can't know how God will act. Being open is really all we can do. Grace and nature, right? We do the things we can and God will work with that - whether it's adoption or fertility treatments.
ReplyDelete90% filled out?! That's awesome!!! I completely agree with your line of thinking here. It's exactly what we're thinking too. We're doing all the hard work now to open both doors and then we'll let Him choose for us which direction we go in. Grace and nature!
DeleteLooks like you guys have lots of fun together. Glad you are pursuing both steps at the same time, why limit God!? The agencies we were looking at all required you to stop ttc, and that's partly why we waited longer to apply. Exciting.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree -- why limit God?! That should be our motto right now. :)
DeleteI didn't realize agencies making you stop TTC was one of your reasons for holding off. Sorry about that! I do get some of the reasoning, but if a couple has really discerned, knows what's best for their own family, and the social worker sees that they're in a good place, I don't think it should be up to the agency to make that call. But I that's just my two cents.