Can we have REAL TALK for just a second?
I'm a toilet paper snob.
Blame it on NFP and the flat toilet papery wipe required for each visit to the restroom... but I cannot stand cheap, thin toilet paper. It just falls apart as I try to twist it around my hand or as I, you know, use it. Ick! Go home, bad toiled paper, you're drunk!
Being honest here, I've sorta always known that I was snobby about toilet paper. Seriously, what kind of person likes wiping their delicates with near-sandpaper? But I didn't reeeeeally know of my snobbiness until I moved away from my parents' house back in 2004 and experienced a whole new world of bottom-cleaning stuff on a roll.
Wait, why am I randomly talking about the horror that is bad toilet paper?
Well, my recent trip home to RI jogged my memory...
For some reason, my parents only by this cheap Scott stuff. And I didn't know anything different until I moved away. 18 years of my life wasted with less-than-desirable wiping experiences. How do they live with that?! How do they ever convince themselves to go to the bathroom if they know their wiping experience is going to be that bad??
In addition to the worst TP ever at my parents' house, the only other toilet paper we used during our trip was at the airport. And we all know airports don't want to spend extra dimes, so they buy the cheap stuff too. Rawwrrrr! My undersides are crying.
So, upon returning home to Memphis, I (including my bum) was very happy to be back to our apartment's thick, luxurious, sturdy toilet paper once again.
And I'm not even sad that we have to pay a little more for the good stuff. Worth every penny.
Actually, I DON'T EVEN CARE if the toilet paper is on the roll the wrong way. I know, I know... this is a hotly debated topic. But it means nothing to me compared to the quality of the paper. NOTHING, you hear me??!
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| (Ok... but just in case you wanted my opinion on the subject.) source |
Seriously, they need to market the bad stuff and the good stuff differently. In my mind, they're not even on the same playing field, not at all, so they definitely should not be allowed to be called the same thing.
From now on, the toilet paper that's essentially just a smaller, perforated version of the stuff you stuff gift bags with shall be called TORTURE PAPER.
The good stuff, aka the stuff that makes it feel like you're wiping with a heavenly cloud or the fur of a poodle, shall be called the real TOILET PAPER. We can give it a nickname too, since it deserves it. I'm thinking something like... the happiest paper on earth.
Can a sister get an AMEN?
