How Can I Pray for You? (And a Pregnancy Update)

Baby #3's arrival fast approaches! 

As with my last pregnancies, I'd love to offer up my upcoming labor and delivery for your intentions! No prayer request is too big or too small. Feel free to leave requests in the comments here or send them privately via email: stephschweitz [at] gmail [dot] com. 

A few weeks ago, we went on an overnight babymoon to Asheville, NC. If that sounds familiar, it's because we did the same thing before Jude was born. But since Asheville is such a happening town, we were able to have a completely different babymoon experience, and it was awesome yet again. One of my favorite parts was getting my belly (temporarily) henna tattooed with Henna Sophia. It's something I've always wanted to do, so being in Asheville at 35 weeks pregnant, I took total advantage of the opportunity. And I loved the final result! Other babymoon highlights included staying at the old Princess Anne Hotel (which was really more of a giant bed and breakfast -- so lovely!), a relaxing couple's foot soak at Wake Foot Sanctuary, eating a fully vegan meal at Plant, a long peruse and shopping spree at Trader Joe's, going to Mass at the beautiful St. Lawrence Basilica, trying dim sum for the first time ever at Red Ginger, and escaping our first ever escape room (with friends who met us there!) at Fox n Otter Adventure Puzzle Rooms. And this was all within 32 hours! Thanks for yet another great time, Asheville! 

And now for a late pregnancy update.

How far along? 38 weeks

Clothing? All maternity, of course! 

Stretch marks? Yep. Just as I predicted, my old stretch marks are growing longer. This started while I had the henna on my belly, so they were hidden for two weeks. But as soon as the henna faded, there they were, sneakily growing out from the old stretchies. All the belly butter in the world hasn't stopped it, so I guess I'm just prone to stretch marks? A small price to pay for growing another human. ;)

Sleep? Sleep has been meh, mostly because it's hard to get comfy, and there are a lot of pee trips to the bathroom, and fiery reflux. Oh, and I had one night of insomnia. But since upping my magnesium supplement a little bit, I've been sleeping just a bit better. Thankfully there are daily naps to make up for the lost night sleep. 

Best moment of the week? It's probably a tie between meeting with our doula for our last pre-labor prep session and getting a bunch of little projects done around the house in preparation of baby's arrival (washing all the newborn clothes, buying and constructing new family room furniture, putting the final touches on our kids' bathroom makeover, etc.). 

Worst moment of the week? Having a few Braxton Hick's contractions and worrying that I might go into labor early. It wouldn't be horrible for baby to be born now, but I was looking forward to these last few weeks to continue getting things ready and to have some last pre-baby moments with my boys.  

Miss anything? Sangria and meaty deli sandwiches, and being able to bend down without maximum effort. 

Movement? Yup! Especially at night around 9pm. 

Symptoms? All the reflux. Random itchiness. Being tired. 

Food cravings? Give me all the sweets! 

Gender? I really have no idea at this point and will be completely shocked either way. Probably more shocked if baby is a girl, since I'm used to having boys, but I really have no clue, so it's really going to be a fun surprise!

Labor signs? Just a few Braxton Hicks contractions. 

Belly button in or out? So out. See above pic for proof. 

Wedding rings on or off? On. 

Mood? Normal. 

Looking forward to? Newborn snuggles. :) 

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Don't forget to send me your prayer intentions! I look forward to praying for you! 

And Then There Were Three!

Time to let this cat out of the bag.

We're expecting baby Schweitz number three (on earth // we have one sweet babe in eternity)!

John Paul will be almost 4 and Jude will be just over 2 when new baby arrives. From infertile for 2 years to 3 kiddos in less than 4 years. My heads spins when I try to think about it! I look back in awe of where this journey has taken us. I couldn't have written it better myself, so thanks for that, Man Upstairs!

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When Jude turned 1, we started to talk and dream about baby 3. I was still a little hesitant, since we were just finally starting to get some good sleep (side note: Jude was not the best sleeper for the first year of his life), and my postpartum anxiety was finally feeling good and managed. But from there, it only took a few more months to really feel ready, and so we decided to give it a whirl.

Wouldn't you know, that first cycle of trying, the emotions of infertility came flooding back. Will it work? Will I need to seek NaPro help? Does that twinge in my ovary mean something? Is my endometriosis back?! Will I need surgery again? Do I feel pregnant? Is that a symptom of pregnancy or PMS? Do I hope or do I despair?!

And that first cycle did not work. I tested early, and I tested several days, and each day just one single line stared back at me on the pregnancy tests. So naturally, I was devastated. I went right back to the dark places of infertility. I tried and tried to not let it take over, but it's crazy how once you've been through it, you can never really trust that your body is healed and knows how to make babies again.

But I pulled myself together and we tried again, and well . . . here we are now, 6.5 months pregnant with the newest little Schweitz babe.

I say all this not to complain. But just to say my heart is still with all my friends who are struggling. I see you. I know your pain and I hate it for you. And I know it can't be easy to hear about the girl who gets pregnant so quickly now, but I promise I have not forgotten you. Please never hesitate to unfollow if all this is just too much. Praying for you, my friends.

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So how did we find out?

Well, I was nearing the end of the cycle and holding out testing as long as possible, but at this point, it was time. I told John I was ready, but that I didn't want him to be with me during the test, because I didn't to let him down if it was negative. I marched upstairs to our master bathroom with Jude in my arms (he was cranky/clingy, so there was no leaving him), and as soon as I got into the room, I ripped open the test. Within seconds of dipping it, it turned positive, and my heart skipped a beat! I know I've been through this positive test thing 4 times now, but it never ceases to amaze me that my body can actually do this correctly!

With great excitement, I yelled down the stairs, "Guess what, John!" And of course he knew. He came running up the stairs and checked out the test with me, and we both giggled and hugged and floated on a cloud.

The only NaPro-y thing we did was supplement with progesterone during post-peak, but other than that, my body did this one on its own. Well, I mean, with the help of the husband, of course. :P

I've been checking my progesterone regularly since, and the numbers have been so good that I haven't needed any supplementation since the positive test! It's certainly been nerve-wracking, especially since I was on progesterone during both John Paul and Jude's pregnancies. But this little babe hasn't needed it and thankfully, all is well!

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At this point, we're pretty far into the pregnancy and I'm feeling exactly as I'd expect to feel at 6.5 months pregnant. I've always wanted to answer these questions, as sort of a time capsule for my pregnancy years, so I hope you don't mind if I indulge.

How far along? 29 weeks
Clothing? Pretty much all maternity at this point. A few sweet friends have let me borrow some of their maternity clothes, so it's been fun switching up the maternity wardrobe a bit this time around.
Stretch marks? No new ones, but I bet I'll add to the old ones here soon. That's exactly what happened around 30-ish weeks last time. During my first pregnancy, stretch marks grew from my laparoscopy scars. During my second pregnancy, stretch marks grew from the old stretch marks. So if that pattern follows, I expect to see my current stretchies grow even longer by the end of this pregnancy. However, I have been better about applying lotion to my belly this pregnancy, so we'll see if that makes any difference whatsoever. I'll report back!
Sleep? Not too bad! Actually, my 3-year-old has become a bad sleeper. Thank you, night terrors. Eep! So sleep is interrupted by that. And I have to get up to pee at least once a night, many nights twice. Throw a random night of pregnancy insomnia into the mix here and there, and that's what my sleep looks like these days. All told, I probably eek out 6-7 solid hours each night. And if I'm really tired the next day, I'll nap when my boys nap. (Yes, they nap at the same time every day. It's glorious.) I will say, those body pillows never did it for me, so I just sleep on my left side most nights, and comfortably so!
Best moment of the week? My boys have been sick, so there have been lots of snuggles and Christmas movies (and Pixar movies) on the couch this week. Can't complain about extra toddler snuggles and fun movies!
Worst moment of the week? My boys have been sick, so they've been extra clingy and whiny. Isn't it funny how the best thing and worst thing from the week can come from the same place? Anyway, I snapped at my boys a time or two, just overwhelmed by the unending whining. Felt pretty bad about that after the fact. I wonder if pregnancy hormones are to blame for my shorter-than-usual fuse?
Miss anything? Mama wants sangria! And a big, meaty deli sandwich!
Movement? Yes! Especially in the evenings.
Symptoms? Reflux, the tiniest bit of morning nausea, exhaustion, pimples, night pee, pressure (but not scary pressure) down low, getting harder to bend over and pick things up . . .
Food cravings? Veggie sub from Subway; sweet, cold drinks; lots of water this week; tuna fish + pasta salad with Wishbone Italian dressing; veggies and dip
Gender? I really go back and forth with this, but am leaning girl this time. I was a lot sicker in the first trimester (throwing up nearly every day for weeks!), so either that means a gender I haven't experienced yet OR just one feisty boy. John Paul constantly says "she" when referring to the baby, but will occasionally tell us he's having another brother. The ultrasound profile looked girly, but also looked a lot like Jude, so who knows? Every day I let myself imagine having another boy or having our first girl, just to prepare for either outcome, and it's a lot of fun to imagine either scenario. A boy would so easily fall in line with our first two, while a girl would switch things up and be a fun new experience. Either way, we'd be thrilled!
Labor signs? None!
Belly button in or out? Barely still in.
Wedding rings on or off? On, but I usually don't have to take them off, even at the very end.
Mood? Normal.
Looking forward to? Meeting this baby and seeing my boys' reactions when he or she arrives! Also, we're getting to the point where my OB appointments are every 2 weeks, and that's just blowing my mind!

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I think this has officially turned into a mommy blog. I don't hate it. :P

Hugs to all of you! Wishing you many blessings on your journey!

Our Asheville Babymoon

To celebrate the upcoming arrival of the newest little Baby Schweitz, John and I got away for a night for a short babymoon in Asheville, NC. And it was awesome!

When my mother-in-law and father-in-law suggested we do an overnight away so they could practice watching John Paul through the night (since they're gonna be doing it again when we go into labor and baby makes an arrival!), we were completely on board. It was going to be our first night away from John Paul ever, but we figured we needed to try it some time. And thankfully it just so happened to be around the time we were hoping to go on a babymoon. I was 32 weeks pregnant, which seemed like about the latest we should be traveling. So it worked perfectly. Win win!

We decided very easily on Asheville, NC. It's only about an hour from where we live and it's jam packed with fun things to do and good things to eat. So we figured it would maximize our adventure time while keeping our travel time to a minimum. When you only have 24 hours for a trip, that's the way to go!

We said our goodbyes to John Paulie (ugh, my heart) around 10:30am and drove straight into town for a most delicious lunch at a Lebanese place called Gypsy Queen.

I enjoyed their house tea, while John enjoyed his first-ever Lebanese beer. We ate way too much, including their Lebanese fries (fries smothered garlic aioli and tahini dressing, sprinkled with parsley . . . mmmmm), baba ganouj (smoked eggplant dip), and a kibbeh wrap (the national dish of Lebanon!). We were so full, we basically had to be rollllled out of there.

From there, we drove a few quick miles into downtown Asheville for a relaxation appointment at the Asheville Salt Cave. I wanted to do some sort of special-to-Asheville activity while we were in town, and this strange yet intriguing manmade cave of salt exactly fit the bill.

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For $25 a pop, we both got to sit in this salt cave for an hour and breathe in the calming, healing salty air. You can read all about the benefits on their website if you're curious. I just thought it was something neat to do. And it was! Gosh, I feel relaxed again just looking at that picture.

After the salt cave, we wandered around downtown Asheville on foot, popping in and out of shops, and taking in the hippy vibes that make Asheville, well . . . Asheville.

We made sure to stop at a shop called Bathe, just as we had on our Eureka Springs babymoon, pre-John Paul. Just a few days before our Asheville babymoon, we ran out of the lavender bath salts we had purchased on the Eureka Springs babymoon at the Bathe store there. It was totally fate.

At Bathe, you pick the product you want (hand lotion, scrubbing salts, beard scrub . . . ) and then, using approximately 100 different scents, combine to make your own unique scent for the product. It's pretty neat. We created a sandalwood tobacco and vanilla salt hand scrub and lavender bath salts. As we checked out, we mentioned to the cashier that we had enjoyed visiting their shop in Eureka Springs (I believe the only other one) and she said we were the first people she met who'd been to both shops! Woohoo, achievement unlocked!

Following Bathe, we continued adventuring for a while until we stumbled upon a kombucha bar, AKA quintessential Asheville joint. I was thrilled to discover they serve kombucha flights!! When you can't drink booze (because pregnancy), but you find something that sorta mimics the fun things about booze, you do a happy dance.

In case you're not in the know, kombucha is fermented tea. It's a little fizzy, a little vinegary, and a lot of fun. I actually brewed it at home for a few months. And then I got pregnant and it lost its appeal. But I totally intend on picking up the brewing habit again. It's chockfull of so-good-for-you probiotics, so you really can't go wrong.

The flavors I tried, all made by Buchi Kombucha, were . . .

Fire -- cold pressed ginger + cayenne + spices (what?! too spicy)
Water -- elderberry + blueberry + coconut water (my fave!)
Earth -- roasted roots tonic (tasted like rootbeer . . . meh)
Sovereign -- ginger + peach + molasses (second fave!)
Avonlea -- orange + mango + sea buckthorn
Holiday -- cinnamon + cider + vanilla + clove

Belly up to the bar!

;)

We decided we needed a little break following all the downtown adventures, so we headed to our hotel to check in. We didn't stay anywhere fancy. Just a regular ol' Baymont Inn & Suites. We figured it was best to save a little cash on our hotel so we could really go all out on a fancy adventure a little later in the evening.

(Hold your horses, I'll get there!)

After some quick R&R, we headed south south south of Asheville to a Korean restaurant for dinner. We figured heading away from downtown Asheville on a Saturday evening was a smart choice. Good thing this city is so cool that super delicious restaurants can be found still several miles outside of downtown.

We considered tons of different cuisines, but Stonebowl Korean won out, simply because (1) the pics on yelp made me salivate and (2) we don't have any Korean food restaurants near home. Easy choice.

We split dumplings as an appetizer and ordered the beef bi bim bop for dinner. It came with all these fun side dishes. And the bowl arrived at our table snap, crackle, poppin'! The stone bowl was hot hot hot, so the ingredients inside continued cooking while we enjoyed. It was all fantastically delicious AND fun! 5 out of 5 stars! Would recommend! *thumbs up emoji*

And from there, we headed to the main event . . . Christmas at Biltmore! This was our maj splurge during our babymoon, and it did not disappoint.

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The Biltmore is a ridiculously huge mansion set in the beautiful mountain scenery of western NC. This crazy estate, finished in 1895, sits on over 10 square miles, and the house has 250 rooms, including 33 bedrooms for family and guests, 43 bathrooms (what even?!?), 65 fireplaces, an indoor pool, and a bowling alley. It's like Downton Abbey on steroids. Need I say more?

Our admittance time wasn't until 8:45pm because they were already pretty booked by the time I got our in-advance tickets. So we spent some of our extra time wandering through the gift shops and drinking hot chocolate in the cold. It was pretty romantic. 

We were finally allowed into the house and, guhhh, just breathtaking, guys!

I had to take a moment to pose in front of the largest decorated indoor Christmas tree I think I've ever seen. It was in their banquet hall, which has 70-foot-high barrel-vaulted ceilings. Umm, tall much?

We also needed a selfie at the bottom of the massive 4-story spiral grand staircase. 

But seriously, it was gorg. The whole thing. It was all decked out for Christmas and they had professional musicians set throughout the house singing and playing classical Christmas tunes. So many happy feels.

We explored for about an hour, maybe more, then decided it was time to say goodbye to the crazy life of wealth and excess and head back to reality.

Our hotel room randomly had a hot tub in it. Like, attached hot tub room for two. It was a little weird and out of place, but wait . . . why am I complaining? We used our newly purchased lavender Bathe bath salts and relaxed in the tub for a tiny while. But then, like the old farts we are, we got super tired and realized we neeeeeed sleeeeeep. So sleep we did!

We totally failed at using this overnight away from our toddler to sleep in (doy.), but we had to squeeze in breakfast and Mass and a trip to Trader Joe's before getting home in time, so we didn't really have a choice. The good news is, we spent our non-sleeping time on so many adventures that missing out on the extra sleep felt totally worth it. :)

Breakfast was at Biscuit Head, a breakfast joint that specializes in creating crazy delicious biscuit dishes.

John got a brisket biscuit (YAS!) and I played it simple with an egg, cheese, and bacon biscuit, plus a side of their homemade yogurt with granola. I also raided their jam and butter bar, as evidenced by the 8 little containers of jam and butter laid across the table in front of John. That didn't even cover half of the available flavors. That jam bar was my JAM!

We sat around a bit to digest the biscuit bombs in our bellies and to wait out the 1-hour-before-Communion fast, and then headed into downtown Asheville one last time to attend Mass at the Basilica of St. Lawrence!

Mass was just lovely. It was the first weekend of Advent, and the Deacon gave a fantastic homily, reflecting on a much more realistic version of the Nativity than we typically hear or see.

Check out this gorgeous Church . . .

*swooning for Jesus*

And since we can't go to Asheville without a stop at Trader Joe's, we headed straight there after Mass to wander the aisles and aimlessly by all the things we don't need but looked too tasty to leave behind. (TJ's, if you're listening, PLEASE COME TO EAST TENNESSEE! PUH-LEEZ!)

We squeezed in a trip to a neat little coffee shop, sorta en route to the highway, Liberty House Coffee & Cafe, and I tried my first London Fog: earl grey tea with honey and almond milk. Mmmmm. They had these ridiculously huge pumpkins on their front porch, which I obvi needed to pose with.

And from there, we headed straight back to good ol' east TN, refreshed from all our fun and adventuring, but ready to see our little John Paul again. 

'Twas perfect.

Thanks for the memories, Asheville! You're pretty neat.

We're Pregnant Again!

We're thrilled to announce that WE'RE EXPECTING AGAIN! Baby Schweitz is due in late January and I'm currently 12 weeks along.

We couldn't be more thrilled!!!!!!

After losing our tiny Therese Hope at only 4 weeks along, we became pregnant the very next cycle. I can't help but think she's already met this little one and I bet she's now interceding for her sibling regularly. It melts my heart.

One of our first family photos with the new baby in tow . . .

And we didn't even know it yet!

We traveled back to Memphis for two back-to-back wedding weekends and stayed with several friends while we were there. The trip landed smack dab on top of the tail-end of a symptom-filled two-week wait. I soooo wanted to test early, but I didn't have an opportunity while staying with friends. It felt so awkward to do it that way. So we waited until the night we got home, exactly peak + 14.  It drove me nuts not to test early, but thankfully I was distracted by reunions with good friends, outings to our favorite Memphis restaurants, and this gorgeous photo shoot we had done for our 1-year-old John Paul, which produced the family-of-four photo you see above. (Five if you count our little Therese, who's always with us in spirit. <3)

Our normally 8-hour trip home turned into a ridiculously long 12+ hour trip home due to several traffic jams. Woof. So by the time we arrived home, I raced the the bathroom to peel open an Amazon-special HCG pregnancy test. This was the first time EVER I was going to take a test that I thought had a very good chance of being positive with John by my side. And it was wonderful to have him there. Within a minute, the test was positive and we hugged and hugged and squealed in excitement and probably even jumped up and down a few times. Pregnant twice within two cycles?! Can this be real life?

As our little Therese has taught us, there is hope!!!

Our excitement was dashed very quickly when, the very next day, I started spotting, just as I had with Therese's pregnancy. I was devastated and so worried, but I clung to the prayer, "Jesus, I trust in You!" to get me through.

The day after that we were shaken even more to learn that at peak + 7, my progesterone was 9 and my estradiol was low too. Thank God I was taking prometrium throughout my two-week wait, because I'm not sure this little one would have made it if not for the supplementation.

Praise God, the pregnancy tests kept getting darker with each day, and the spotting quickly stopped and became a distant memory. I haven't spotted since.

Several weeks and blood draws later, my progesterone and estradiol are looking GREAT! The estradiol self-corrected and I've been getting butt-shots of progesterone every other night to keep my progesterone levels good and healthy. My last progesterone draw around 10 weeks was 40, so I have a feeling my doc is going to take me off the shots soon. I'm pretty ok with that. ;)

As for Baby Schweitz, he or she is looking OH SO ADORABLE!

Can you see baby's profile? That little button nose? And those tiny feet on the right? *Swoon*

At our 6-week ultrasound, in addition to healthy Baby Schweitz, our doctor saw a second sac on the screen. The second one was empty, leading him to think it was either a disappearing twin or a blood-filled sac. He said if it was the latter, it was probably the cause of the spotting I had at 4 weeks. But I can't help but think, what if it was the former? What if Baby Schweitz had a twin? I did have one HCG draw early on that tripled from the previous one 48 hours earlier. From what I've read, that can definitely happen with twins. It's weird not knowing whether or not we lost another baby, but I have faith that one day we will know, in Heaven. And what a reunion that may possibly be. <3

The above ultrasound is actually from our 11-week appointment. I wasn't supposed to get an ultrasound at that appointment, but our doctor couldn't find the heartbeat via doppler, so he did an ultrasound to check in. Of course I was a nervous wreck the entire time he searched my belly for a heartbeat. He said he only finds the heartbeat about 50% of the time when baby is still that little, but I was still scared as stink. EVEN THOUGH this little bug is giving me nutso all-day nausea and constipation and heartburn and I'm sleepy as all get out. So I was pretty sure baby was very healthy and just hiding on us. But still. No sign of a heartbeat for approximately 20 minutes while we waited for the ultrasound machine was just plain nerve wracking. Good thing you're cute, little one! Baby looked perfect once he or she was on the big screen.

Speaking of he or she, we're gonna go the surprise route again. We're not finding out gender. Can you handle it??

We told our parents and siblings about Baby Schweitz very early, just to get prayers on board, and now we're just starting to consider sharing the news in bigger circles. You're one of the first big circles to know. :)

When we told John's parents, who live in town with us, we had John Paulie walk into the room with a copy of our 6-week ultrasound and hand it to them. For physicians, they were actually pretty confused for a few minutes. Ha! But when they realized it was a current ultrasound with my name on it, it started to make more sense. And they were so thrilled for us.

My parents learned via FaceTime and they were also so thrilled. My dad even asked if he could share our good news with his mother who was a little upset with him over something silly, to get back in her good graces. :P I said go right ahead. Use this baby to spread some joy.

I still worry nearly every day that Baby Schweitz isn't going to make it, or that Baby Schweitz's heart has stopped beating. But in those moments, I just cling to the prayer, "Jesus, I trust in You!"

We will continue to have hope that we'll be snuggling and loving on another baby come January. God, you've got this!

Grow, baby, grow!

The Littlest Saint

This is the story I never wanted to write.

John and I have lost the tiniest baby to miscarriage.

Her time on earth was too short, but what joy she brought us.

And though her life was short, there's still so very much to tell: how it all happened, how I found out, her name. So I'm sharing it all now to honor her perfect, little life and keep her memory alive forevermore.

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My cycles had been on hold for a while due to my nursing relationship with John Paul. I was eager for them to start them again, as we were eager to start trying to conceive a sibling for our little bud. So I was excited when Aunt Flo ever-so-gently made her appearance toward the end of our trip to Harry Potter World back in early February, at approximately 9 months post-partum.

We started trying right away.

I wasn't exactly devastated when Aunt Flo appeared a second time in mid-March, because hey, it was only our first cycle of trying and I was used to things taking a while, as it took almost 2 years to conceive John Paulie. But I was certainly ready to try, try again.

While a mama returns to fertility, things can be a little . . . off. So it took forever to ovulate in that second cycle. But I still tracked it, we used the right days, and remained hopeful.

Two days after peak, I was hit by the most intense nausea ever. It started in the middle of the night, during a 4am nursing session with John Paul, and didn't let up for almost 24 hours. At first I chalked it up to food poisoning, but I never actually got sick. I wanted to hope that it was somehow related to conception, but I also felt that was really weird. So I pushed it to the back of my mind.

Then John Paul started acting strange. And I couldn't figure out a reason for it. He wasn't teething. He wasn't sick. He was just skipping most of his naps and being super snuggly. I wanted to hope that it was somehow related to early pregnancy and him just knowing something was up with mama's body, but I didn't want to get too carried away. So I tried to push that to the back of my mind. But with the possible conception nausea and now my baby boy acting so out of character, I started to let hope grow.

At this point, I raided our medicine cabinet and found my old prescription for progesterone. Leading up to my first post-partum cycle, my luteal phase was only 5 days long. And leading up to my second, it was only 8. Considering 13-to-15-day luteal phases were my pre-pregnancy norm, I knew my progesterone levels were off, as they usually are when a mama is returning to fertility. So I decided to self-treat with that old progesterone prescription.

Pretty soon it was 9 days past peak and I got hit by an annoying migraine. Another hopeful sign!

In this time, I also had a friend tell me she had a dream I was pregnant with twins and my sister-in-law told me she dreamt I announced I was 4 weeks pregnant. And so hope grew more.

Come 11 days post peak, a good friend, Emily, convinced me it was time to test. Pre-John Paul, I was not an early tester because I was so used to not getting pregnant each cycle, so why bother? But at this point, I had so many signs pointing toward pregnancy, I decided to give it a go.

I stared at the test as the urine crossed over the testing window. Negative. But wait, Stephanie! It says to read after 5 minutes. So I walked away, and set a timer for 6 minutes, just to be sure.

When the timer went off, I checked again and negative again.

But wait, is that second line? Surely not. No. I'm squinting. There's no line there. But wait, is there?!!

And with another few minutes of staring and squinting and second guessing, the faintest of faintest second lines was really there.

PREGNANT.

Oh my gosh, I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!

A few texts back and forth with Emily and she confirmed it. She saw it too. SHE SAW IT TOO!

And I was giddy!

PREGNANT AND GIDDY!!!

I immediately called John at work and told him, and he excitedly said, "Well, yay! I had a feeling this is what you were calling me about. How lovely!" After the weird nausea and John Paul's behavior and migraine, he was hoping along with me. And now it was confirmed.

We're pregnant!!!!

But it wasn't long before doubt crept in.

That second line was super light. What if it was an evap line? Plus, the test is over two years expired. This probably isn't real. Oh, but I want it to be so bad. Please be real!

So with excitement but also a little fear, we went to sleep that night and planned to test in the morning.

When morning came around, the test was still positive. Ever so faintly positive. But positive is positive!

Pregnant. Pregnant. PREGNANT!

We were floating on cloud 9 that entire day. We were in happy shock that it only took us two cycles of trying this time!! I kept excitedly telling John Paul he was a big brother. We looked up her due date: December 28, the feast of the Holy Innocents. (Eerily fitting now, looking back.) We swooned over the thought of a Christmas baby.

We treated ourselves to ice cream after dinner and took one of the only images we now have of me while pregnant with our little one.

Later that night, the bleeding started. First spots of brown, then a bright spot of red.

CRUSHED.

The familiar feeling of failure from our two years in infertility came creeping back.

I've failed us. I'm broken. I'm so sorry.

Those were the words I uttered to John.

With the smallest thread of hope I had left, I took another pill of progesterone before bed and closed my eyes to sleep, ready to face the worst in the morning, but clinging to Him, desperately wanting a miracle.

By morning, the spotting was back to brown and another pregnancy test came back faintly positive. By afternoon, the spotting had stopped.

Could it be? Implantation??

The spotting shook me up enough to want blood work. So Sew called me in some favors and my long-distance NaPro doc (we don't have one in my new town) ordered HCG and progesterone labs for me.

We went to bed excited and hopeful and scared yet again. But mostly, joy-filled. I was still pregnant, praise God. We thanked Him for another day with our little poppy-sized babe and went to sleep in awe of His great gift.

We got yet another faintly positive test in the morning.

But when we got our lab results later that day, we were quite shaken.

On day 13 after peak . . .

HCG: 13
Progesterone: 17

Crushed again.

Our NaPro doc assured us that those numbers were possibly ok. They were numbers he'd expect to see in very, very early pregnancy. The progesterone wasn't great, but wasn't the absolute worst. He wanted it to be at least above 20, so we made a plan to switch to progesterone in oil and hoped that would do the trick. As for the HCG, well, we would test again in 48 hours to see if it's doubling and then go from there.

As we waited for the morning of the next HCG and progesterone check, I oscillated between hope and sadness. For reference, my HCG was above 2,000 when checked on day 18 after peak during John Paul's pregnancy. An HCG level of 13 just sounded so terribly low. So terribly hopelessly low.

But we kept praying. We kept hoping. We kept imagining our future with this sweet baby in it. And we tried to enjoy every moment we had with her, because we knew there was a chance there wouldn't be many more.

When the nurse finally called to tell me the results of the second test, her voice gave it away. So I told her to give it to me straight.

On day 15 after peak . . .

HCG: 3
Progesterone: 5.5

Completely and utterly broken.

An HCG of less than 5 is negative for pregnancy. It was confirmed. Our little one was no longer growing. I had miscarried.

And I sobbed.

John was at work, so it was me and John Paulie and the little fading life inside me for the afternoon.

That night, I didn't take my progesterone, and the next morning the bleeding began for real.

---

Technically, I experienced a chemical pregnancy. And in the past week, I've come to hate how clinical and sterile that term is. But since my HCG was never high enough and she was never big enough to be seen on the big screen (ultrasound), her pregnancy gets that callous title.

It's crazy to think that if I hadn't been paying attention, I probably wouldn't have even known she existed.

Thank God for NFP.

It's possible I was meant to lose her the night I experienced what I thought was implantation spotting. The progesterone probably kept the pregnancy going those few extra days. But I'll never know for sure.

It's also possible there was some sort of chromosomal issue and our little lady just couldn't develop very much because of it. But we'll never know that for sure either.

I also worry that maybe we started trying too early, before my post-partum body was ready. I'm not trying to place the blame on us, but it's hard not to, ya know? Just yet another thing we'll never know.

We also don't know if she was really a girl, obviously. But I do lean that way. Mostly because her pregnancy was so different from John Paul's. Which is silly to say, I know. It was obviously very different because it never got very far and was never meant to. But I'm holding on to these things and letting myself think our baby was a girl, even if it's not right, because I guess at the end of all this, I'm still entitled to my motherly instinct. John thinks she was a girl too.

One day, though, on the other side of Heaven, we'll know all this for sure. When we truly meet our little lady for the first time and hear her story straight from the Source. We'll know for sure.

And what a joyful day that will be.

---

To honor the life that was entrusted to us, we've named our sweet girl.

The littlest saint in Heaven . . .

Therese Hope

We wanted to name our sweet girl for a saint who died as a child.

St. Hope immediately stood out to us. She died a martyr at the age ten.

At the end of her story, our little girl has brought us nothing but hope. Hope that we can grow our family again. Hope that my body is healed, or at least healing. Hope that we will be with her again. Hope that God will redeem this suffering for good. What a perfect name for our saint.

And while thinking of other saints, I kept coming back to St. Therese of Liseux. I was drawn to her little way, glorifying God in all she did, especially in the little things. It spoke to me and reminded me so much of what we had been through in our short time with our daughter. She didn't live for very long, but her little, simple life provided us with so much love and so much joy. It felt like exactly the right name to honor her life.

Therese Hope.

(Pronounced Teh-rezz Hope.)

When I say her name, I'm reminded . . .

There is hope.

And I hope you hear that too.

---

I have always wanted to become a saint. Unfortunately, when I have compared myself with the saints, I have always found that there is the same difference between the saints and me as there is between a mountain whose summit is lost in the clouds and a humble grain of sand trodden underfoot by passers-by. Instead of being discouraged, I told myself: God would not make me wish for something impossible and so, in spite of my littleness, I can aim at being a saint. It is impossible for me to grow bigger, so I put up with myself as I am, with all my countless faults. But I will look for some means of going to heaven by a little way which is very short and very straight, a little way that is quite new.

We live in an age of inventions. We need no longer climb laboriously up flights of stairs; in well-to-do houses there are lifts. And I was determined to find a lift to carry me to Jesus, for I was far too small to climb the steep stairs of perfection. So I sought in holy Scripture some idea of what this life I wanted would be, and I read these words: 'Whoever is a little one, come to me.' It is your arms, Jesus that are the lift to carry me to heaven. And so there is no need for me to grow up: I must stay little and become less and less.

-St. Therese of Liseux

---

Our only family picture. 

We didn't know it at the time. 

John, Stephanie, John Paul, Therese.

I was trying to help John Paul stand and walk while John was reaching out to him. 

The rainbow and circular, embryonic figure in the bottom left corner give me chills.

<3

It's the Final Countdown

I'm 39 weeks pregnant as of today. FULL TERM, BABY!

Which means, the countdown can really begin! But this countdown is a bit odd because I have no idea how many days should actually be in it... Who knows when baby will finally show? 

5/5/15 aka Cinco de Mayo would be a really cool birthday. But I'd have to go into labor like now. Or 5/10/15 would be super cool because... multiples of five! And Mother's Day! Too bad I have absolutely zero control over any of this. :P

I'm willing to go 2 weeks late, which means baby could be cookin' for up to another 3 weeks. But I'm hoping he/she won't take me up on that. 

Sure, the waiting and not knowing can be maddening in some moments, but for the most part, we're just enjoying these last few days or weeks as a family of two. Soaking it all in. So we've been spending lots of quality time together and adventuring all around town. 

What does a married couple do when their couple-days are nearly over?

Well, we went on a super fancy date and enjoyed a decadent 5-course tasting menu.

We got super dressed up for said super fancy date.

We went to see Graceland!

We've lived in Memphis for almost 3 years and never got the chance to go, so now that our Memphis days are coming to an end, we figured we needed to check it out while we still have the chance. 

I'm all shook up. :)

We saw Matt Maher in concert. Baby's first concert! And it was soooo good. I especially fell in love with this song.

And then the most ridiculous tourist attraction/trap ever opened in Memphis last weekend, so we had to check that out, because, again... Memphis days are numbered.

A Bass Pro Shop in a 32-story pyramid (did you know Memphis was named for an ancient Egyptian city?) with a bowling alley and duck museum and alligator pit and a hotel and... let's just stop there because it was, no joke, ridiculous!

So ridiculous that the Today Show picked up on it.

We've both been nesting like crazy.

Everything is set up and ready for a baby.

I'm so glad to have his help!

Today, we went strawberry picking!

Tonight, we make strawberry shortcake!

And I got my nails did this afternoon. Color changing gel polish! 

John is officially on paternity leave until July. And I said farewell to my job as a youth minister.

These silly ducks threw me a surprise shower at one of our last youth group meetings. 

We went to the movies a few days ago to see the new Avengers movie, because who knows when we'll get to go to the movies again?

And we've been writing thank you cards like crazy people. Gifts are coming in left and right. This baby is so loved! 

Oh, and I'm one of those weirdos who bought a labor and delivery dress. Mine's way cuter than the ones on the site. It's sold out now though. No need to worry, you'll get to see pics of it in my up and coming birth story. My thought was that I wanted to be comfy for birth, not wearing one of the usual hospital gowns. And the day I give birth will likely be right up there with other big days, like the day we got engaged and the day we got married. So why not splurge a little and get a pretty dress? 

Whew, we sure are keeping busy! Busy is good because busy equals distracted. And distracted equals not thinking about when this baby will make his/her move. 

Who am I kidding? It's all I can think about! But I'm still going to try my best not to wish our last days as a family of two away. Let's see if we can come up with some more fun adventures in the meantime. :)

Next time you hear from me will probably be a baby announcement! Eeeeeee! Keep us in your prayers. 

St. Gerard, pray for us. 

St. John Paul II, pray for us.

Blessed Fulton Sheen, pray for us.

St. Blaise, pray for us.

St. Francis, pray for us.

St. Genevieve, pray for us.

St. Helena, pray for us. 

Holy Family, pray for us. 

PS - I may be giving some hints on baby names there. ;) Our little one will almost definitely be named for one of the above saints. So, intercede for us, sweet saints! For a safe delivery and a healthy, thriving baby. Please and amen!

Preparing for Natural Childbirth, Part 2: Our Birth Preferences

If you haven't already, check out Preparing for Natural Childbirth, Part 1 to learn about all our research and the preparations that went into writing these birth preferences.

Also, please keep in mind these three disclaimers while reading.

First, I have no idea how our labor and delivery will actually go, obviously. 

Also, I've never done this before, so consider me a novice.

And finally, these are our preferences for birth. They are in no way a judgement of your preferences for birth, how you've given birth in the past, or how you plan to give birth in the future. Please do what's best for you and your family!

Now it's time to dive into our birth preferences. Notice, we're not calling this a birth plan. Amy, our doula, suggested using the term "birth preferences" since that's really what they are. We'd prefer for birth to go exactly this way, but we know babies make their own plans, and so, since we don't actually have any idea how our labor and delivery will go, it's best to call these preferences. We'll still do everything in our power to make them happen, but won't be too disappointed if they don't work out.

Our birth preferences really kick in once we get to the hospital, but before we head there, we plan on laboring at home as long as possible. At home, you're really in the most relaxed environment possible for you and relaxation equals faster dilation. You can eat and drink whatever you want, and there are no interruptions, no monitors, no restrictions, and so on. It's most peaceful, and a peaceful place is a great place to be when you're laboring. Amy plans to be with us in our apartment as soon as we call on her, to help us through the hours of early labor, and then she'll ride with us to the hospital as soon as contractions are getting close and strong. We hope to be past 6 cm dilated by the time we arrive at the hospital. And from there, that's where things'll really take off...

Our Birth Preferences

During labor, Stephanie would like...

• To walk and move around freely.
• Dimmed lights.
• The door closed for privacy.
• Quiet voices.
• As few interruptions as possible.
• Intermittent monitoring.
• A heparin lock if IV is deemed necessary, so that she can move freely.
• Her water to break naturally.
• No internal fetal monitoring.
• Vaginal exams only upon consent, and as few as possible.
• For John (husband) and Amy (doula) to be with her at all times.
• To use natural pain relief techniques, such as breathing, massage, showering, sitting in the tub, etc. Please do not offer any pain medication.
• To push only when she feels she should.
• To choose the position she delivers in.
• To have warm compresses and oil applied to help the perineal tissues stretch.
• To be instructed to push in such a way to avoid tearing.
• To tear naturally, if at all. No episiotomy.
• To be turned onto all fours if baby's shoulders are stuck.
• The opportunity to discuss and accept or refuse any procedure, except in the case of an emergency.

After delivery, Stephanie would like...

• Immediate skin-to-skin with baby.
• To wait until the umbilical cord stops pulsing to be clamped and cut.
• To delay newborn procedures for the first hour to feed and bond with baby.
• For newborn exams, vitamin K shot, and eye ointment to be done while baby is on her chest.
• The placenta to detach and be birthed without Pitocin, unless an urgent need arises.
• For baby to be evaluated and bathed in our presence.
• To exclusively breastfeed while in the hospital.
• To meet with a lactation consultant as soon as possible.
• To be consulted before baby is offered a bottled or pacifier.
• For John to do skin-to-skin if Stephanie is unavailable.
• For John to go with baby if baby needs to be taken from room for medical treatment.
• For baby to be given pumped breast milk if breastfeeding is not possible.
• For all visitors to be turned away until we have had time alone with our baby.
• For baby to be given a hearing screening test before leaving the hospital.

In case induction is necessary, we would like...

• To try natural, non-chemical induction methods first, such as walking, castor oil, or nipple stimulation.
• If natural methods fail, to try the cervical cream before Pitocin.
• If Pitocin is required, for it to be administered following the low dose protocol and increased in intervals no closer than every 30 minutes, allowing Stephanie's body an appropriate amount of time to adjust and react to each dose increase.

In case of a c-section, we would like...

• The surgery to be explained as it happens.
• Stephanie to be conscious with at least one hand free if possible.
• John and Amy to be present at all times.
• For double-layer sutures to be used when repairing Stephanie's uterus.
• Our baby to have the opportunity to nurse immediately.
• Skin-to-skin time as soon as possible.

That's all we've got for now. But I suppose we may make a few more edits before baby arrives.

Notice that our preferences are very anti-disruption. We're going to try our best to create the most calming and pleasant hospital environment possible, as keeping things most home-like and peaceful are going to help me relax. And if I'm relaxed, so, hopefully, will my cervix be! Thus, disruptions like loud noises, bright lights, large groups of docs, nurses, or med students, cervical checks without permission, and so on are big no-nos.

Also, I want to be able to move around as much as possible. Labor pains will likely not be tolerable if I'm stuck in bed the whole time. Plus, moving around helps dilation happen faster and moves baby into the best position for delivery (baby's nose facing mom's back). Win win! So up and moving I will be! Walking around, rocking in a rocking chair, standing in a shower, bouncing on a birthing ball, slow dancing with my husband, squatting... whatever it takes to make labor most comfortable and most expedient, I'm going to do it. And that's why I'd like to be monitored only intermittently, on a heparin lock if IV is necessary, and I want to avoid an epidural, as epidurals numb your legs and make it impossible to get out of bed.

For us, the key to all of it is natural natural natural every step of the way. The more natural we can be, the less likely a c-section becomes. And if I can avoid that major surgery, I'll be one happy mama. Of course, if we need a c-section, I will absolutely be open to it at the time. But the key word there is need. I'd like to do everything possible to avoid one from happening, and from my research, that means avoiding any and all interventions. It means taking my time, moving around, working with my contractions, and listening to my body.

If I do get to the point where labor has physically and mentally exhausted me and my exhaustion is preventing me from progressing, that's when I will become open to getting an epidural, and will consider it as a helpful tool in delivering baby at that point. But here's hoping I can work with my contractions to progress quickly enough that complete physical and mental exhaustion don't happen.

You'll also notice, I'm big on bonding as soon as baby is born. No matter how our little one arrives, I want skin-to-skin immediately, and hopefully a chance to breastfeed as soon as possible. Newborns are amazing. When placed on mom's tummy right after delivery, they can wiggle around, find their way to the breast, and latch on all on their own. Beautiful, right? So that's why we're delaying all the typical right-after-birth baby procedures (cleaning, weighing, vitamin K, etc.), to make breastfeeding happen as seamlessly as possible, just as it was designed to. We'll also be holding off on visitors for at least 12 hours, to establish breastfeeding and bonding and to let John and me rest a bit before entertaining guests. Call us selfish, but I think it's for all the right reasons.

Perhaps at this point, you think I'm a nutcase. So much research, so much attention to detail... How about you just let it unfold on its own, Stephanie? To which I say, welcome to my type A world. This is just me being me. This is how I prepare for something I know nothing about. I learn as much as I can and make a plan, errrr, I mean preferences, and hope and pray that I get to stick to them. Maybe it's not your approach, but it's what's best for me, my husband, and our almost newborn.

I realize I haven't explained everything here regarding our birth preferences. If you'd like more details on any of our preferences, don't be afraid to ask. I tried to hit the big ones, but realize some of the other ones, like the use of double-layered sutures in the case of a c-section, may need explanations too. Just ask. I'll explain in the comments. :)

Now let's take these birth preferences for a spin, shall we?

Just 4-ish short weeks to go!

Preparing for Natural Childbirth, Part 1

Natural childbirth.

Usually when I mention that I'm going to try for a natural, drug-free labor, most folks ask why. I guess in our day and age of advanced technology, many just assume that drugs are the way to go. Why experience pain when there's a simple way to avoid it? 

Well, at first my answer wasn't so eloquent. I had a hard time describing what was really calling me to try to do this drug free. Mostly I'd say something like, "Well, if women did it for thousands of years before pain-releaving medicine existed, I can too!" Which didn't really help, because... "But we have the medicine now. Why suffer?" So then I'd try explaining that I wanted to listen to my body during labor, even if that meant lots of pain. That seemed to make a bit more sense, but still never quite did the trick. 

After fumbling to answer the "Why drug free?" question a few times, I decided I needed to get to work and really figure out the benefits of a drug-free labor. And not actually because I wanted a better defense when the question came up again. While I finally have come up with a better response, my main goal in researching and preparing for natural childbirth was to give myself the answers I'll need to keep myself motivated and drug-free during the worst of my labor. 

So before I dive into explaining our preparations, let's just throw a few disclaimers out there, shall we?

First, I have no idea how our labor and delivery will actually go, obviously. 

And also, I've never done this before, so consider me a novice.

While I do have those two things working against me, I have done my fair share of research over the last several months and feel as prepared as I can be for something I haven't had the chance to experience yet. 

One more important disclaimer: These are our thoughts birth. They are in no way a judgement of your thoughts on birth, how you've given birth in the past, or how you plan to give birth in the future. Please do what's best for you and your family!

Anyway, onward! Here's what we've done so far to prepare.

First, we found a doctor who's very pro natural birth. A friend of mine said once said of him, "If you wanted to labor hanging from a tree in a field, he'd be all for it." While we're not quite interested in that natural of a birth, we do love his approach to it all. We asked him recently what his c-section rate was and he estimated it to be around two percent. Yup, two percent. That's nearly unheard of today! The city of Memphis has a thirty percent c-section rate, as do most big hospitals in big cities in the US. So we know we're in the right hands. Another plus is, because he's in a practice all by himself, he does all his own deliveries. There ain't gonna be no surprise intervention-happy doctors attending my birth, nosiree! And just as another added bonus, he's also a NaPro doctor. We scored big time when we found him. 

After securing the perfect doctor, we found some well-reviewed books and bought them. My two go-tos for natural labor and delivery have been The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. Both fantastic books, both highly recommended if you're even the slightest bit interested in natural childbirth. I've drawn on both quite a bit to prepare for labor and delivery and also to write our birth preferences, which I'll share just a little bit later. (I should also mention that this Ted Talk by Ina May Gaskin is what led me to her book. If you're not ready to invest in the book, this video is great starting point.)

The next step was finding a natural childbirth class. And it actually didn't take much work on our part at all. The class completely fell into our laps. I called our hospital to set up a tour of the labor and delivery floor and in the process was offered a spot in their 6-week Lamaze class and another spot in their 1-night breastfeeding class, both free. How's that for convenience? 

This week will be our last Lamaze class, and so far, we've really enjoyed it. We're learning about the whole process of birth, from the start of the first contraction to the delivery of the afterbirth, plus practicing about 30 different positions and soothing techniques for labor at the end of every class. Practicing over and over again during each class will hopefully help us to remember to use several of the positions and techniques to relieve pain when labor finally does start. Our instructor has also included details on epidurals and c-sections, just in case things go those routes. 

Our breastfeeding class did not disappoint either. I'm hoping I can draw on everything I learned there to make breastfeeding go as smoothly as possible once baby's out. But if not, I also have tons of resources now and am prepared to call on a lactation consultant ASAP. 

Oh, and in case you didn't know, most hospitals offer these class for free, so if you're interested in taking a class but don't know where to look, call them up! Our hospital doesn't even require that you deliver there to take the class. If you can't find a hospital class, the next best place to look is your friendly neighborhood doulas. They usually offer classes too, but often charge for them. 

Speaking of doulas, that's the another big thing we've done to prepare for our natural childbirth. We've hired a doula.

In case you're not in the know, a doula is a professionally trained childbirth companion who provides emotional, physical, and informational support to the mother leading up to and during labor and delivery. Her role is to help the parents have a safe, memorable, and empowering birth experience. Our doula, Amy, is well aware that we're interested in a natural childbirth and is going to do everything she can to support that. In fact, studies show that a doula's presence at birth tends to result in shorter labors with fewer complications, reduces the need for Pitocin, forceps, vacuum extractions, and c-sections, and reduces the mom's need for pain medications. 

We started working with Amy a few months ago and have spent most our time together so far just getting to know each other. I mean, we are going to have to like each other by the time my labor starts, am I right? :) We're very much looking forward to seeing what tricks she has up her sleeves. Doulas are famous for their bags of labor "toys" such as birthing balls, massage oils, flameless candles, rebozos, essential oils... all great natural pain-releaving resources that come with hiring a doula. 

In addition to all this, what I'm looking forward to most about having our trusted doula by our side during birth is that my husband gets to be just my husband during the whole process. While I'm sure he'll still be worried about how I'm feeling and how things are progressing and all that jazz, the pressure is off for him to be the perfect birth partner. That role goes to Amy. And since Amy has attended over 50 births, she knows what to expect, how to coach, what to do when mom isn't coping well, etc. All the things that normally stress a dad out will be off John's shoulders. Amen to that! She will be an invaluable resource to both of us during the labor and so we're definitely happy we hired her. 

One final and very important step in my preparations has been convincing myself that a lot of labor is a big mind-game. Perhaps that's not always true, but from what I've read in our books and in other women's birth stories, your head really can get in the way of your labor. If you don't work with your body, you're probably working against it, against the contractions. And if you're working against the contractions, you're not going to progress.

When you don't progress, docs usually recommend interventions, and interventions can snowball into surgery. First Pitocin to speed things along, then an epidural when Pitocin makes the contractions too painful, then forceps or vacuum extraction to help deliver baby since mom can't feel what she's doing when she's pushing, and then when that doesn't work, a c-section. Or sometimes it goes straight from Pitocin to c-section, since Pitocin makes the uterus contract harder than normal and some babies don't respond well to that. Sure, those are some pretty dramatic examples of interventions, but they happen more often than you'd think. And mostly because OBs just aren't patient enough to let moms figure out how to work with their bodies in the first place. They want your baby to be born on their schedule, and so they intervene.

This is what I'm hoping and praying all our research and prepping will help us to avoid.

And now, after all our hard behind-the-scenes work, I do have a good answer for why I'd like to try for a natural childbirth.

I want to listen to my body. And I want to learn to work with it. I won't be able to do either of those things if we take the pain away. My body is made to do this. Labor pains are not a sign of something wrong, but a sign of my body doing everything right. So they don't need to be medicated away. They are made to be listened to. Contractions are beautifully designed to be intermittent, so that mom gets breaks throughout. It will not be unbearable. It will not last forever. So I can do this. My hope is that when I allow my body and mind to cooperate, I'll be able to bring this sweet baby into the world as easily as possible. No drugs, no instruments, no surgery, no unnecessary interventions. Just me and my beautifully designed body doing exactly what it was made to do. That should do the trick.

Keep in mind, I say all that more to convince myself than anyone else.

Now here's hoping!

Stay tuned for Preparing for Natural Childbirth, Part 2: Our Birth Preferences.